#8

its been a long time im not blogging. its getting worse. yes. at this time, i just done my istikharah prayer. why? just a reason. should i leave her or not.

im just asking her questions and she blame me that im emo with her. hey, i just asking you, am i that bad? easily get emotional? am i a crazy dude that always blame you? youre blaming me with things i didnt done. yes, im thinking to end this. 5 month, i was so patient akk this time with your attitude. but now, sorry, im not going to give my commitment to you.

i dont want any relationship afterthis. this was my biggest mistake in my life. im going to take care of my love to her. my first one, but unfortunately, shes gone due to heart attack.we never broke our relationship, and i will never ever fall for someone else again. its been 5 month also shes gone. im miss you, our moment. and my biggest mistake was falling for the present one.

things are very different. yes. it just like the deepest part of the sea and the highest sky. FA never leaves my mind. she always with me wherever i go. i yes, i hope Allah will help me make desicion. i really need your help Allah. please help me.

#7

one thing that im sure now. please go away from my life. i just dont see anything about you in my future. yeah, i know, and im sure, in our relationship, you never ever share your problem with me. and that is the main cause of every arguement.

i never scolded you, but now, fuck you. i dont need someone who cant take care of my heart. even im not the one rite that you want to share your problem with, yes, fuck you. you think that im your maid? always want to get it in your ways. keep this up and im guarentee, no one can stand you.

blame yourself as a whore? oh, want to play psycho game? just who cant even share her problems to me? even 1 problem you never share with me. im not the one right? and now, seriously, i want put my ego up. fuck you. i hate you. after every single thing you do to me. and yes, even im hurt, i try comfort you but when im just get wrong a little, oh like im just mudered someone. think back what you do. FUCK!

#6

everythings okay but now, fucked up. i just dont know why she say all that thing to me. i just, just, fuck.


while texting her, i say i want overnight, then she said dont text her for the whole day. okay thats not the problem, i replied to her, at midnight i'll text her because im away since in the morning. so i said that friends are important, but she is more important than everything. then, i only get shitty explaination.

why? she said that she might leave me. im tired of this, and im curious, are you really2 love me? im sad. very very sad. if she love me, she'll never said such thing, and this is not her first time, i'd told her before dont say such thing, but now, its like her favourite words.

what you say just like you pray for it. and dont compare to my ex. its different. very very different. i've put my trust on you but this is how you show it to me? im disappointed. seriously. why? why? i dont understand it. fuck !

why cant you understand me? im trying to comfort you but what you give back to me? just dont mess with my heart, enough those damage you give to my heart. im broken, half dead now, not satisfy yet?  yeah, keep punishing me without any reason, fuck. thanks for make this night a fucked up night.

#5

tonight was fuck. yes, hatrick for tonight, completely bleeding. i just dont know how to say my feelings rite now.

after she told what i said to her was a lie and she asked me to not love her so much, im completely hurt. i didnt text her because i know her football game more important than me. i just know it. keep updating all the goal without any feeling of guilt what she had done to me.

patiently i wait until the match ended. and just like what i guess, my phone just silent, no rings.and then i text her, "you should try eventhough you dont know how to comfort me" and she replied with full of anger. what the fuck ! yeah, you're the one making mistakes, and i just trying to help you, and now you scold me?

i just cant stand it, my heart bleed so much. she didnt know how to take care of my heart. she make mistakes, but only know apologize, comfort my feelings. and now, we are arguing, she just too ego, seriously, i cant stand her anymore. she only think her ego, only think herself. i know shes not suitable for me but my heart just wont let her go. until when i have to be patience?  when?

despite all thing that you done to me, i still love you, but you seem like dont love me. hey, if you dont love me just walk away from my life ! dont torture me, i do have feelings like you,

okay if i do mistake to her, and said im sorry, she'll say "its easy to say sorry" and now, you say sorry too rite? i hate your ego. its juat misunderstanding, little misunderstanding and you like make thing bigger rite?! im angry, but im not like you, show your fury, you think youre good showing your anger to me?

im tired being good boy to her, she didnt appreciate me. im so broken, sad, seriously. hey you, please, i just want to correct you, you said to me rite if you make mistake just tell you, but now, your ego sucks. please dont wear your ego, im really2 hurt because of that ;(


i hate your ego. seriously.

#4

well guess what? only a few second i finishied my third entry, and i wanna update again, yes, double slice to my heart this night. yeah thanks

so what did she do now?after she told me that things that i said was a lie, i told her back please dont, im hurt. she apologize, and i just want her comfort me BUT, now she tell me that dont love her too much. oh there is love a little bit? love half? bullshit, what are you talking about huh? love isnt a game where you can love a little or half. my heart bleeds more. please understand me, i have feelings, please care my feelings, you're my girlfriend, you suppose to care not slicing them.

yeah, im crying like hell, shes having fun with football. i wonder that she take me for granted? told me that all the word i said was a lie, then told me dont love her too much, fine, enough breaking heart for tonight. yeah, im typing this entry with my tears, if she know, how i love her so much, trust me, i love you with all my heart, dont tell me how to love you, its my heart, not yours.

im completely hurt, i wanna cry all night long. she'll never know im crying for her.

#3

everytime i update this blog, thats mean something happens. so this is the story for tonight. my heart was sliced again.

yesterday, she seems like okay with me, and yesterday also she apologize to me for her wrong doings. okay, like usual, i forgive her, so thing seems like to be normal, but deep in my heart, i know shes still hurt. so do i, and i hurt more than you. so this night, just about 10 minutes ago, i told her, that even what she looks like, young or old, pretty or not, that all doexnt matter because my love to her will never end or get old.

yeah, i tried to comfort her, but what i get back, just simple text message that is, lie lie lie. oh LIE. so im lying to you all this time? oh my, i cant explain how hurt am i now. you think my love to you is a lie? if that, why the hell i do anything for you? you think im so easily say i love you to girls? you're the one, the girl that i say i love you to. you should be grateful instead of not trusting me and tell all the thing i said to you was a lie. im hurt. very very very hurt.

my dear, dont do that again please, seriously, it hurt me so fucking bad.

#2

second post. yeah, im posting things that make me bleed. yeah, im a boy, man also can, but my heart just not like common boys. i have a fragile heart. very very fragile.


what make me posting today? yesterday before going to sleep, i hope the next day i wake up will be a brilliant day. but, this what i get. i think this will be a short post okay. first thing i do when i wake up is check my phone. theres a massege from here wishing me morning. so i replied to her, some beautiful words, but what she replied me back makes me down.

i send something like this to her "hey morning, its a good day starter to hear your voice my dear :3"   she replied  "hey you're drowsy right? nonsense" wow NONSENSE. i dont know how to describe my feeling. that bragging thing still in pain and she just simply add my wound. hey thanks. for the wounds here.

guys, just imagine you're in my place, how would you feel? yeah after that i just reply her simple text like, oh yaa, okayy, and i know shes still love me. when i do like that, she start to show her care. hey darling, please, dont wear your ego too high, its hurting me my dear :'( you can have your ego, but, im your boyfriend, why i have to face all this breaking heart stuff because of your ego?  i dont get it. i really2 dont get it. *sigh



okay, wanna perform Jumaat prayers.